Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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