he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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