I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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