Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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