Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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