my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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