Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
