Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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