Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
