You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
