I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
