I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
