Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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