i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
