Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
