you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
