And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
