A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
