You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
