good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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