Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
