things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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