1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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