She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
