guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
