fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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