I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
