I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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