Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
