I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
