he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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