I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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