if you like me you must not know who I am
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
