i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
