THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
