I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
