so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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