i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
