I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
