I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
