I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
