The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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