Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
