all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
