i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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