Betty ford says i'm here all night
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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