did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Michael Bay diarrhea
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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