They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
