Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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