I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
