He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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