you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
