Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
