i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I believe in your delicious
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
