My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
