Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
