he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
