I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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