So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My pussy is not your playground.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
