Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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