The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You've changed since you got that strap on
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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