His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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