I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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