Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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