My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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