im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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