How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
