he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
