Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
