if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
