i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
